Stop Bullying - Strategies for School Staff and Parents

School staff and parents are encouraged to familiarize themselves with these Concepts and decide on a way to present the information in a thoughtful and meaningful way to children. Bullying will not go away on its own. It is every adults’ responsibility to do their part in the effort to stop bullying and make students’ learning environments happy, peaceful and safe.

Concept #1 –The Meaning and Types of Bullying

Bullying can be defined as:  Aggressive behavior that involves an imbalance power between two or more people. Usually, the behavior is repeated over and over and includes the use of hurtful words and/ or acts.

Direct Bullying

• Physical Aggression: Pushing, Shoving, Spitting, Kicking, Hitting, Locking in a Closed Space, Physical Violence against a Family Member or Friend, Threatening with a weapon, Inflicting bodily harm.

• Verbal Aggression: Aggressive Word Use (profanity, vulgarity, etc.) or Tone of Voice, Mocking (pretending to talk like someone, imitating someone, etc.), Name-calling, Taunting, Teasing about clothes or possessions or appearance, Verbal threats (I’m going to knock you out if you don’t watch yourself).

• Non-Verbal Aggression: Threatening to Reveal Private Information, Publically Challenging Someone to do Something (Daring), Defacing Property, Taking Others’ Possessions or Stealing (lunch, books, ,money, etc.), Posturing or Taking and Aggressive Stance (blocking someone’s way, preventing someone from getting into the bathroom, etc.).

Indirect Bullying

• Emotional: Gossiping, Embarrassing, Setting Someone Up to Look Foolish, Spreading Rumors, Making Ethnic Slurs or Racist Remarks, Setting Someone Up to Take the Blame, Publicly Humiliating, Social Rejection, Excluding with Total Isolation by peer group.

• Cyber Bullying: Sending Insulting or Threatening Messages, Sending Photos, Posting Private Information (by phone, texting, e-mail, websites, social media, or any other electronic or written communication).

Concept #2 – Roles within the Bullying Scenario

• The Bully- someone who commits deliberate and hurtful acts against others.

• The Target- someone who is on the receiving end of the bullying.

• The Bystander- someone who witnesses the act, hears about what happened, or discovers what happened, then decides to either help the target or ignore the problem.

Concept #3 –Reasons Why Bullies Bully

1. They may have been bullied themselves. They’ve been hurt and they feel a sense of relief and power from hurting others.

2. They may have low levels of Self-Confidence. Lowering others makes them feel elevated or somehow better about themselves. They may feel insignificant for any number of reasons and find a sense of significance when they take control over others.

3. They may have friends who pressure them to bully- Some kids, who would never bully outside of a peer group, get caught up in the sense of needing to be cool and associate with the group majority. These are the types of bullies who would be nice and peaceful (because they secretly don’t like bullying others), but they feel pressured by their group of friends to be a bully. Some are afraid they will be hurt themselves if they do not do what the group does.

4. They may have difficult family dynamics – When children grow up, sometimes they bully others because they see aggressive, intolerant, bullying behavior at home within their family. When parents argue or fight with each other, or when an older brother uses bad language and name calls, or when a father punishes his child for doing something wrong by spanking him; these instances can often lead children to believe that such behavior is normal and acceptable inside and outside the home environment.

5. They may get a thrill from getting away with it - Whatever the emotional or social reasons, bullies bully because they can. Many bullies enjoy the excitement of feeling powerful after they hurt another person without getting caught. Bullies sometimes use status differences (bigger, more popular, richer, etc.) to get away with bullying. A bully might get away with what they have done because they are so cool, or so tuff, or so rich, that other kids don’t want to risk going against him. It is up to students and school staff to recognize bullying and not allow it to continue.

Concept #4 –Strategies for Handling Bullies

The following list of strategies was adapted from, Building Moral Intelligence by Michelle Borba (Page 181). The book is an incredible resource that provides techniques designed for helping parents impart positive daily-living skills upon their children.

1. Respond with Confidence and Assertiveness​ - Face the bully by using a confident posture: hold your head high, stand tall, and face the person. Name the unfair behavior and tell the bully in a firm, calm voice to stop: “That’s teasing – stop it,” or “Go away.” Sometimes the best response is to say, “Cut it out!” Keep in mind that how you look and sound when you speak is usually more important than what you say, so it’s a good idea to practice! 

2. Ignore Them​ - Bullies love to know that their teasing has upset their targets, so find a way to not let your bully get to you. Most students will say that the worst thing a kid can do is let the bully know the teasing bothers them. Here are some suggestions for how to ignore the bully: pretend they are invisible, walk away quickly without looking at them, quickly turn your attention to something else, look like it doesn’t bother you, stay quiet, and look completely bored. Ignoring a bully isn’t easy. It takes lots of practice!

3. Question the Bully -Ask “Why?” - Respond to the insult with a non-defensive question: “Why would you say that?” or “Why are you telling me I’m dumb (or fat, etc.)?” or “Why are you trying to hurt my feelings?” Asking the bully to think about their actions can confuse them and take the excitement out of teasing because you are questioning the bully instead of reacting to the bully.

4. Use “I want” in Your Come-Back​ - You should speak to the bully by beginning with the statement “I want…” then firmly saying what you what the bully not to do. For example: “I want you to leave me alone,” or “I want you to stop teasing me.” The trick is to say the message firmly and forcefully so that it sounds like you are strong and confident, instead of sounding scared.

5. Agree with the Bully​ - Use a statement that agrees with the bully. For example, if the bully says, “You are dumb;” you might say, “Yeah, but I am good at it!” If the bully says, “Hey, tiny!” you might say, “You are right, I am pretty short!”

6. Make Fun of What Was Said​ - Answer every tease with a reply, but do not tease back. The teasing will often stop because you are letting the bully know that you are not going to let the teasing get to you (even if it does). So if the bully says, “You are really stupid,” you can say one of these practiced responses back to them: “Really?” or “So what?” or “And your point is?” or “Thanks for telling me.”